


Toxic

by lostinmymindforever



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bottom Dean Winchester, Bug Chasing, HIV/AIDS, M/M, Suicidal Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2014-03-17
Packaged: 2018-01-16 01:19:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1326397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinmymindforever/pseuds/lostinmymindforever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sam's death Dean goes on a downward spiral and takes up a self destructive habit<br/>(Begins shortly after Swan Song)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toxic

**Author's Note:**

> Bug Chaser: An individual (usually a gay male) who sleeps with people infected with HIV or other STDs/STIs in the hope of contracting the illness (and yes, this sadly is a thing)
> 
> This was written for an anon on Tumblr. I do not condone this sort of behavior in real life.

Dean lasted all of a week at Lisa's after Sam's death. He couldn't just stay with her. He packed up his gear, traveling aimlessly around the country. A few months after his travels began he ended up in a club. 

Dean would tell himself he wasn't gay, that he was just missing Sam, that the guys he picked up reminded him of his dead brother and that was the only reason he was having sex with them. He knew he had issues, he knew he was screwed up, because really, hooking up with random guys just because they looked like Sam was a bit messed up. 

The first time he saw the tattoo he was intrigued. When he found out what it meant he sent the guy packing, but the idea wormed into his brain.

As much as he wanted to die he couldn't bring himself to pull the trigger, so letting himself get sick seemed like the best option. It wasn't long before Dean found himself going after guys who had one particular tattoo, the calling card of someone who was positive for HIV, or poz as it was called in slang. 

True he kept picking guys who reminded him of Sam for one on ones, but there were nights when he'd place an add online letting them know he was available and let one anonymous guy after another fuck him over and over. It wasn't long before his results came back positive.

Dean finally found a sense of peace, settling down in an old cabin of a dead hunter, not taking any meds, knowing that while it may be a slow death it would be on his terms.

When Sam showed up Dean was heartbroken. Right away Dean could tell something was different about his brother, but he didn't know what it was. It wasn't long before Sam found out Dean was sick, and it wasn't long after that that Dean found himself face down on the bed once more, ass in the air as Sam fucked him hard and fast. Of course Sam always wore a condom, and he'd whisper in Dean's ear filth, calling him a dirty little slut, telling him that he got what he deserved. 

And Dean took it.

He took all of it, knowing Sam was right. Knowing that he was worthless, dirty, tainted, toxic. He went out and got the tattoo to prove it. That seemed to set Sam off even more. Dean was ashamed, because having Sam call him a dirty, worthless, comeslut pig turned him on like nothing else ever could. Sam saying that he was nothing but a toxic, poisoned little bitch made him moan. Sam fucking him hard without any care if he got off or not filled him with a sense of worth.

They started hunting again, Dean spending his nights as Sam's fucktoy. 

And then everything changed.

He found out Sam didn't have his soul, and it broke him. He knew that if Sam, the real Sam, was there he would have never touched someone as vile and disgusting as Dean.

But Dean also knew he couldn't leave Sam in Hell, so with a broken heart he agreed to get Sam his soul back.

It was almost a month later when Sam saw the new tattoo and confronted him on it. Sam knew what that mark meant and he wouldn't let Dean give him excuses.

So Dean broke down and told him everything, told him the truth, expecting Sam to turn away from him in disgust. 

Castiel even offered to heal Dean, but he refused, knowing he had brought this upon himself.

Dean was surprised to find Sam crawling into bed with him one night. He tried to send him away, not wanting what he thought would be a pity fuck. But Sam was insistent. 

Being with his souled brother was very different than it had been with the soulless version of him. For starters Sam was gentle. He caressed Dean's body, kissed him slowly, tenderly, something Soulless!Sam had never done. And when he entered Dean he was bare. Dean tried to stop him, tried to tell Sam not to do this, but his brother was insistent. He told Dean that if one of them was sick, both of them would be.

It wasn't long before they found out Sam was positive also, that Dean had infected him. A part of Dean broke at the words, he'd never wanted to let Sam get hurt, he never wanted to hurt Sam, but he had. 

Sam just held him, telling Dean it would be okay, that they were in this together. 

They were poison, toxic, but they were together and not even death would keep them apart.


End file.
